Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Sometimes I feel tired
sometimes I just want to drift into a sleep and never wake up
sometimes I just hate to go on...
sometimes I need to find myself BACK.
Had an upsetting day on sunday, had an arguement with my church ministry person and I was really pissed and feeling so tired from dance in the morning and I still had to endure dance at church...Sighs and that feeling was so bad that I even felt like quitting the whole performance thing and just walk out...I'm so tired already even my friends are asking me not to dance so much...I'm like turning into some dance frantic liao... hmm also dunno whether my body can take it annot...by God's grace surely I can and I will... =) me and the other girls feel that the leadership should change and we are trying to break away from the conventional restrictions within the church body. e.g the costumes sucks so we want to get our own costumes, maybe even make our own. The next time we will TRY to make the hip hop group in our church "acceptable". And I wanna get Joanne to teach me hip hop! whee! Then we can dance to fast songs... =D. It was such an upsetting and emotional stir within me that I couldnt control...all the effort and sacrifices that I have made and you come and say these words to me...like hello?!! Haiz... :'(
Well the good part was that when I rehearsed with the musicians and the ensemble for the second time, I felt God's presence...and just let his spirit flow within me as I moved across the stage...well the spotlight was uncomfortable, at least this time nobody laughed at me. Felt really hurt the last time...and I hated that feeling, =(. Felt like quitting and never ever have the guts to dance in church again. But when I heard from my mum that I inspired another girl to dance to the same song but in mandrain service, I was enlighted... I was dancing for God, not for man... =)
I was stunned when Joanne ask me if I ever thought of quitting dance. It has crossed my mind before but I have never really thought about it...seriously I cannot imagine...was almost forced to quit during sec sch by mum cos I had gymnastics... was it that dream that drove me on, to perserve for so long? Or was it God, telling me not to quit, not to give up...but to continue to trust and seek him...
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16: 3
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
Proverbs 16: 9
~To free me from my burdens and make me light
~That I may soar on wings of an eagle and never feel faint
~May I continue to go on, to press on, no matter what adversities I meet
~For surely the Lord will see things through =)
the beauty exposed ;
