Lost In Beauty-

Sunday, July 18, 2004

     Today's rehersal was really bad at church today...Sian...ok maybe not that bad to God but it was to me... it is a really important dance to me for God and the last thing I want to do is to mess it up. Like today's rehersal I actually blanked out and I never blankd out before not even in performances or tests. It was so unlike me...I was really wondering what was happening on that stage. To think I actually forgot my steps! Well, I had to make something out I couldn't just stand there not doing anything! So I just danced to the flow of the music....without much success...But when I ask the other dancers they said it look nice. And I think I look FAT in a white costume! I think I am going on a diet or maybe I will skip lunch at school or something...

     And do you know what was the worst part. The worst part is that there were people laughing at me...Seriously...I am not kidding...it makes me really sad and blue...really blue. And the peole laughing were actully from YPM...guys who I see in church almost every sunday. How mean! Their names are Isac, Aron and another other super skinny fellow, who's name I forgot!? I am mad, really mad and boiling mad! How dare they laugh or even immitate my movement and start craking up like that...How DARE they...ok maybe I might be a little oversensitive but that was what they were doing...right after I finish the song...please God calm my agitated soul and give me peace. Help me forgive these people who do no understand the beauty of art or appreciate it...

     I hate it when whenever I tell people I take ballet and some of them just burst out laughing. The next thing they do is they put their arms up and start turning! It is so annoying...ballet is not just all about that. So people even ask me why am I learning at such an old age...Oh Please...What I am learning is professional ballet not those silly movements you see little kids in pink tutus are doing.That is why most of my friends want to become professional. Most people think ballet is easy...but that is because we make it seems so easy. They do not see the hard work in the studios polishing out techniques until perfection. Sweating our asses of.Ballet is a very challenging and demanding. It demands excellent technique, suberb musicality, beautiful expressions and strengh and flexibility. It is lovely to dance to classical music...it soothes your soul and make you feel happy and light...that is what I love about my passion. I love it since I was five and still loving it. I have made wonderful friends and ballet have made me grown over the years. If I have the privilege and chance I will want to go pro too...I don't really like NAFA or Laselle...I perfer overseas. Their training is so different in Singapore. It is much more intensive and challenging. Two of my friends will be going to Hong Kong Academy in Fine Arts while another is going to Victoria Colleage of the Arts in Austraila...so lucky, I wanna go to. Well, I'll hope and pray really hard that God will give me the chance to go...:)

the beauty exposed ;